Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
