So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
