Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
