If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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