dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
birth control should be required to get into college
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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