Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
