I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
