I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
