she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
