Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
