In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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