My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
