I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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