She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
