thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
