well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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