Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
