dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
