these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
