Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
