You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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