Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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