i already hear my dad disowning me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
