I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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