Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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