Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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