Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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