i already hear my dad disowning me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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