so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
