In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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