I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
