yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
