D3 body, D1 cock
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
