I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
