I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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