I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
