You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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