Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
