xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
