I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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