my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
