Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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