I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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