Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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