I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
