I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
