i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
