I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
