i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
