She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
