mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
