Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
