I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
