id be glad to
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
