The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
