so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
