so that wasnt chicken after all
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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