I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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