after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
